I wonder sometimes if I'm a good mom. I sit back at the end of the day and think "did I do everything to make each child feel like they are loved?" When I put Samantha to bed each night I always ask her if she had a good day and what her favorite part of the day was. Today she just melted my heart. Today was a bad day for me.
Jim has been working everyday and not getting home until 645p each day. So I'm busy from the time we get up until he gets home. Sometimes I wonder how many times I tell Samantha hold on, I have to feed Nicholas, change Nicholas, calm Nicholas down, put Nicholas to sleep. I wonder if she ever feels like mad or sad that I'm not taking care of her right at the second. Today though I know she doesn't feel that way. Nicholas cried all day today...he's not a cryer at all. I told Samantha hold on a thousand times today. After I had given Nichloas his bath tonight and I was holding him and he was quiet and asleep on me, I just started crying. Crying for no reason at all. Just tired and happy he was finally quiet. Samantha came up next to me with her nursery rhyme book and started telling me what some of them were and then asked me to ready some of them to her. As I was reading them to her, she could see that I was crying. She asked if she could wipe away my tears and told me it was ok. She told me she loved me and gave me a big hug and kiss. This totally melted my heart which in turn made me cry even more. At that point, I knew I was doing what I was supposed to be doing.
Tonight when I put her to sleep she gave me a big hug and kiss and told me the best part of today was making banana bread and me reading books to her. I love this little girl so much and I don't want her to ever lose her spunk or for me to ever crush her spirit. I want her to know everyday that I do the best that I can and make her feel special everyday!
2 comments:
Some days are really bad... Some days I feel like a failure or bad on all levels, as a mom, a wife, a friend...
But I think if we never questioned ourselves then we are just don't care.
I think it is awesome how Samantha was your reassuring voice! God knows just what we need when we need it.
Just keep doing what your doing because you are not a good mom you are a GREAT mom!!
Of course you are a great mother and doing right by both your children. That's evidenced enough by how loving and understanding your Samantha was when she witnessed your crying.
Motherhood can be so overwhelming at times. Hell, it's the hardest job out there and the one that carries the most responsibility out there! You are entrusted with the care of two humans and the people they become. I think you are doing an excellent job.
I wish I was closer to come and help out or give you a well deserved break. Please know that I'm just a phone call away should you need someone to talk to!
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